♥ Jessii-ka ♥

Buy me time!

2012-02-07T05:30:00.000-08:00

Just started my industry project. Its a little late but using loads of my free time to compensate it!. CNY has ended. busy schedules are now more relaxed. :) Won pretty much in gambling which is kind of good thing. but a lot of things happened. on CNY. Had serious food poisoning on Chinese New Year Eve. Probably because of the OYSTERS!!!! but still my favourite ;) Spend a lot of time meeting my friends and Peter was in Malaysia for a couple of days. spent some time with him in Langkawi and KL. Visited my grandma's place and saw a lot of my relatives which i hasn't seen them for years! Cousins don't even recognize me anymore. However it reminds me of childhood where everyone gathers during CNY and gamble. It shows that how long have I been missing from home.

BTW. I did a photo shooting :) with Daphne Iking ( Malaysian MC cum actress) in the Esquire magazine! & its on the february version!

Its pretty interesting to see what the backstage was like and satisfaction when its out on the magazine! P.s: spot what's missing in the photo! LOL photoshop effect! :)

I have short hair now! :) and i miss my long hair!

Anyway just a short update about me recently :)

P.s: Graduation is soon! job hunting @ the moment!

Happy New Year 2012.

2012-01-12T17:15:00.000-08:00

My first blog during the new year. Things are doing pretty well during the new year :) For some of you that had a bad start I wish everything gets better after that.

I Started the new year with BBQ with friends :) Its been so long since we gather together! I <3 Them as much as I <3 you

Never had much time to spend with the girls but that will not happened anymore. I hope! :) Cheers!

Gained some weight since I am home. Now, living with a big tummy LOL. Just had my second interview with a hotel. However I was disappointed. Things just ain't how I expects, at least for the working environment. A 5 star hotel that has a 1 star office. Doesn't sound that good. It made me stereotype that all hotels in Malaysia has that standard. Probably Malaysia is not the country for Swiss standard hospitality? and Maybe I should change to a different field. Well, it will be fine :) Currently still job hunting!

I went to Singapore recently to go for an interview. Didn't went to the interview instead went shopping. But felt bad after for not going. *WTF* anyway I finally went to Universal Studio Singapore but it was raining so hard that day.. The rides were alright. but <3 the transformer simulation. It was so good. However felt dizzy right after that ride. too much of motions i guess! andddd... We rided the roller coaster under the rain!!! dangerous yet fun! hehe

one of the two pictures that I had captured in Universal Studio Singapore. LOL Madagascar ride!

P.s: Loves simple life.

2012

2011-12-31T22:06:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year peeps! Frankly. I have no new year resolutions. But just hoping for a better year.. It would be the year that I officially stepped out to the real world! No more craps and stuff . I wish peeps of the world have a grey year ahead !!

Sooo. What have I been doing since in home :) load of stuff that I don't even remember. I just knows that I hasn't had enough sleep! Out till early morning everyday. Partying. Poker-inh. Drinking. Eating. I sometimes start to think how am I gonna start my industry project with all these aside?? ;) had a great great night in town during new years eve after so many years. anyway! I'll meet my dream guy in 15 days time!! Can't wait till then..

P.s: life never ends in KL

Kuala Lumpur - Malaysia

2011-12-21T20:16:00.000-08:00

Im home :) for already a week. Its good being at home. So I guess, I wont be studying back in Switzerland anymore. What is my next step? Have been applying for jobs in the Hospitality and Tourism Industry. Seems like talents are needed in this field especially in Asia. Yet I have not get any reply! I wish I could start my Industry Project now! but I dont know how to start it! LOL.

What have I been doing? Shopping, Hair cut, dye , Eyebrows etc. I think I get used to Switzerland already. Its just weird being home this time. hmmm.. Regarding the issue about that guy im falling for. Once again I fall into LDR situation. I think it is worth it. He is irresistible cute :) and he meets the quality of my dream guy. Plus we just look so cute together :)). Things that I have learnt in the previous relationships I will apply it this time. Hope I dont mess things up again! hehe. *I wants this moment to last forever*

I felt loved, when I was with him

P.s: I gave out Jomo .. I finally could .

Messed up weekend.

2011-12-10T04:52:00.000-08:00

The fact that guys and girls are equally SCARY

Amie came to me crying. Its my first time in life seeing her cry saying that "anonymous" is using us. Anonymous = A friend that I seriously really treats him like a younger brother. I thought she was drunk. However, the other guy that followed her there said that He said that he is using us. using Olivia to forget a girl that have been using him for years. I didn't believed that. The same day, why would he goes to Geneva to buy things for Olivia to impress her? which she did feels touched. I went up to clarify. and it did end up this way. Seeing the other girl uses crying technique and giving him birthday gift with heart card. What does that mean once again? Its not that she likes him though. So I went to his room. locked others out. and scolded him. At one point, I knows that he cant get rid of her. At the other point, he uses us. I thought he is my brother. Its just that I didn't expect he will says that. I believed that he is a good person. I almost slapped him. The other thing was that his "good" friends kept saying that we are using him and asking my friend to stop approaching him when she was not approaching him at all just shut up if you doesn't know her. Dear "good" friend, who is using us now? :). Im sorry but he told me every single thing that you said. So, yeah that thing kinda ruined my night. In addition, its my last party here :) Girls = Bitches; Guys = Bastards. I wish sincerely he would continue to have that life. I was still thinking about it till morning :(.

Forget about it!!! hehe.. I think I am falling for this guy. :) Why would people always appear when I am almost leaving? It is just so depressing. Shall I go to LDR once again? which always fail. Now that things happened. Can I trust people once again? What should I do? I am pretty lost!..

P.S: I likes to be in love.

A dating weekend.

2011-12-03T05:53:00.001-08:00

A day that makes me smile :) Friday

Why?

I've been waiting for this date for a whole week with this cute guy I have met a few weeks ago hehe.

Once again I am back in Bern after few years! When I first came to swiss and before I leave swiss..

Unfortunately what we planned to go we weren't able to go but.. The date is still good! I tried to go back to the blue river that I have seen few years ago. But everything is not the same anymore. However the date was still good :) Because what matters is that who you are with.

Before and After

The theory behind : Things changes, even in a few days. Not to talk about a few years.

Saturday: A simple day

A day to just do whatever. Was supposed to go to Montreux X'mas market or Leukerbad or even Millisime to celebrate Elias's birthday. But bailed everything because of the weather and also tiredness. So just went out to have a couple of drinks.

Sunday: A day to relax

After sleeping in for a bit. We went to Leukerbad (Thermal Bath) Some sort of warm swimming pool plus a sauna :) This is the only picture I took :( Unfortunately)

It was so relaxing when the sky is still bright. Overseeing the snowy mountains on top. The whole experience was just so relaxing. Still depends on who you are with :) Hehe.. However got exhausted when I head home and my date went back to Berne. Which means its the end of our weekend date :)

Almost the end

2011-11-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

Dear bloggy :),

Had another crazy weekend :) 3days straight drinking.. I'm going home for long soon :) looking forward to it though. Anyway it's a weekly update on my blog! This weekend have been crazy. Taking care of people :) when they are drunk but its alright. However through a person, I understands how depression is. Also, understands better what I am gonna do when I go home. Then, It's Jenny's birthday on Friday :) We had dinner in steakhouse. Bought two cakes for her and makes her drunk for the first time. hehe.

Dedication to Jenny,

Happy birthday my sister! It's been 3 years here celebrating our birthday together. And probably the last time we are gonna celebrate together. I wish u all the best :) and I love you!

Alright continue of the weekly update. I've been drinking during the weekend:) plus an additional help of w**d :D lol. I miss that! I miss life in the states! Saturday was alright. Half of us were drunk. However, I kinda hate it when the girls are drunk. They tends to do stupid stuff or talks too much! LOL. I guess probably how I am when I was drunk. But I cant stop them from drinking.

I had a great night.. And you! Spare me from your mess, hooked on other flowers! :) I know you better than myself. "There are no one on this earth wants to be alone themselves"-- Miras Sharipov. No matter how of a bastard you are I still believes for who you are, deep in you. Go out and experience everything. Your heart will cool down after a few years. So just leave things as it is now.

P.S: Enjoys my life till max. There are whole loads of good grasses out there its just the matter of timing. :)

Weekend trip -Milan, Italy

2011-11-20T02:20:00.000-08:00

We partied till 3 am and I was Hella drunk the night before. We have to catch the train at early morning, looking all dead but still Happy.

Travelling to the same place I have been to with different people always update the feeling that I have for Milan.

I don't know what is this. but I will just upload it here. ;)

P.S: I'm gonna get over you because I noticed you are just like other guys. I have no intentions to make you jealous with other guys :) plus I am having fun! :)

Parteh weekends

2011-11-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

3 days straight. Drink Drank Drunk Dance + doing stupid stuff. hehe =) I am starting to feel bored about that. Well, everything behind has a reason. I finally got it. Its that I need to stop doing stupid stuff. and he has no feelings for me that is how easy to me. JUST TELL THE TRUTH! dumbo. makes me a dumbo too.

It does mean something.

2011-11-06T03:54:00.000-08:00

Anyway, i watched this japanese movie that shows woman goes crazy when it comes to love. It freaked me out like I am watching horror movie. hehe. Should I be that way? maybe I am crazy enough. LOL. Deep in my heart there is this bird. No matter how hard I hide. He is still there. Not sure what is good in him. convinced myself. The results are still the same. I am letting him go with unwillingness because he wanted to fly. Well, I did something really wrong yesterday where i felt so guilty for myself. I became like others. Where is myself respect?

It does mean nothing after all. He decides just like me snap* snap* snap* that quick. I am still a kid at the age of 2.2.

P.S: It will be fine. I need someone that loves me. I will be fine.

Childhood's nightmare

2011-11-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

I can't remember much about my childhood. However, there is something deep in me that I remember.

NIGHTMARES!

Not much people knows about this i think. It just came out of me while I am studying. =) which i think I wanna share.

When I was about primary school or so. I always has the same dreams over and over again. sometimes even I open my eyes. I saw those dreams.

I am very small and there is a big rolling pin that keeps rolling. I keep running and running.
When I wake up in the living room. snakes are all over me. like all over the places. I screamed no one hear.
I am so small and locked in a small box. kept shouting. no one answers. I am frustrated.

yeah. so. Today, I wonder still why do I have those dreams everything of all. that has the deepest memory ever. Can anyone just explain that to me? hmmm..

P.S: I feel like a happy small kid =)

那些年。

2011-10-30T01:33:00.000-07:00

我的心情随他走。

我又回到了，在美国的痛。

我问我自己为什么为什么为什么？

为什么我知道自己会受伤还是想回去？

在美国为了挽回使劲百力还是狠狠的被拒绝了。

发誓我以后不会对他有一点的留念，不再糟蹋自己。

回到这个地方，以为我把对他给忘了。

原来我只是把他埋在我心里了

心里的痛又回来了。

所以又不顾一切的想挽回。

虽然很怕又被拒绝

果然又被狠狠的拒绝了

有时候，会想。

什么东西让他那么狠呢？

而他问你确定这是你要的吗？

我说是。

就算时间再少我也要留着更多的回忆

最重要的是我觉得是值得的。

我该怎么办呀？

P.s: 我快不行了。

Last uni Hallowween

2011-10-30T00:56:00.000-07:00

Its Halloween night.

Love this pic! :)))

How was halloween? It was alright. we decided to do something different this year. Its out last halloween in the school. It will be our unforgettable memory. :) Well excitedly we went and bought our costume. Guess what? we found it in the sex shop >.< My school girl attire was suppose to be very sexy. Well I really wanted to wear it. but was rejected by MS saying my skirt is too short. =.="So, I wasn't really happy not doing stuff I dont feel like doing.

Still. to respect him, I changed my skirt with my friend.

The night continue to goes on. but Jessica was not very happy about it which makes her regret now. for some reason >.< She left early, like very early. :( Anyway everything are solved now though.

P.S: Everything will be fine.

Just hoping for a simple life.

2011-10-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a month from now since my mind and heart is messed up.

It has been fine last term. I mean I enjoyed to be just friends. I thought I've got over you.

It remains unsure.

Just need to get over it

Soon

-PRINCESS-

Happy 2.2 birthday !

2011-10-15T01:55:00.000-07:00

So. I celebrated my birthday a week ago and only get to update today :) This is one of the best birthday that I have had forgetting about my 1st year's birthday in Switzerland. Well I never thought it would be that good :) It started with a surprise video that her bestest best friend made for her :)

and I presents you the birthday girl :)

Accompanied with the girls :)

She is happy =)

Well what else did I do except being drunk?! got a surprise birthday cake from the girls but got busted along the walkway! because they called me and I told them I am in Rossy's room but actually I am in my room going to Rossy's when the clock knocks 12. Sorry that I ruined your surprise!! then receive a msg that ask me to head to someone's room. Headed there and got a surprise gift! :) that I never thought of.

Also! headed out for dinner for a couple of days with the girls. :)

Thanks to my girls and a friend :) I am glad to have you guys by my side!

Cheers!

P.S: To have individual social responsibility, I are decided not to drink till shit face or even drink! No more dancing for me unless I really really feels like to. Not to do any mistakes in life. Gonna move forward! and Cheers for life! Felt like im a responsible adult :)

Unrealistic term break.

2011-10-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

:) I have two additional country that I have been to. --> GREECE & TURKEY.

It is a short and tiring term break. The girls had so much fun. disappointment. excitement and ALL! It is also a time where thoughts appear ;) figuring what I really want. WELL WELL.. I finally saw the blue and white building with my own eyes. not on photos.

Talking about Greece. we stayed a night in Athens in a 5 star hotel which is AWESOME. and headed to the port early morning. had a 5 hours ferry ride that drive me crazy and seasick! Arrived at Santorini (one of the island) headed to our first traditional villa in Fira and walked, ride donkey, cable car-ing around that area and the next day boarded a private cruise that goes around the island. GOT tanned. swam in the aegean sea with no worries :)

After 3 days headed to OIA another town in the island. was kind of excited because we are staying in the luxury hotel this time with jacuzzi, kitchen, 2 bed rooms, 2 bathroom and a living room. we lived like a rich married woman which is lovely. A whole table of breakfast were delivered to our private villa everything morning. We rented a car one day to head to the black beach but fail to find it. At least we found Carrefour. :) and saw the sunset along the island. One stop relaxing.

We all wish that the trip in Greece will never end but still. it ended. We went to the port but our ferry to Athens got cancelled due to strike. was told that we are gonna take the plane to Athens airport straight from Santorini airport. which somewhat good by skipping the 5 hours ferry ride. :) Arrived at Athens tried to find the hotel that we booked near the airport. was told by the tourists info that "the hotel is just few minutes away" and Amie asked someone else. Apparently the hotel is in Athens airport USA which is somewhat WTF! and forced us to spent a night in the airport. :(

Finally arrived at Turkey feeling exhausted. Dislikes that place at the beginning, everywhere was just so packed and smelly. :( stayed in a hostel and visited all the mosques around the area ( The only place we visited) . The next day after a good rest we headed to a shopping mall (similar to asian ones) known as the best shopping mall in Europe :)) Somewhat my mood got up! hehe. better classes people are there. :) had KFC and the whole impression of Turkey actually got better. We shopped from day light till night. how cool is that? Our trip ended with a scent of SHISHA. My lifetime favourite <3

P.S: Travelling was great but it will be greater with my parents. so that I could show them how these places looked like. That was my thought throughout the the whole trip. Term started and it could probably be my last term. So, I need to enjoy it to the max. Someone asked me how I wanna celebrate my 22nd. and I have no feelings with it probably because nothing good ever happened every year. No other thoughts. Cheers.

Term ended

2011-09-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

Graduation feels closer and closer. I felt the happiness of people after spending a few years here and everything here has ended. After some time, all those that have happened became memories and that one person lifetime memories. Well I will be thinking hard of what I really want and what I have infront of me.

Frankly. I miss home. and My <3 is at home. but there is a saying. HOME is always there for you. So, go out to see the world. No matter how hard it is you can always go home. :)

I have not update my photos much lately? ahahhaa. My end term partehhhh. :) My life's highlight.

P.S: LDR has proven fail. for everyone. so suck it up people hehe.

THANK YOU!

2011-09-13T12:58:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to Miras Sharipov,

I am glad that I has you as a friend.

from a glance of a stare. we smile

We started!

I enjoyed all my time when I was with you. I need to thank you for letting me know I am precious to someone on earth. Thank you for teaching me SELF CONFIDENCE through your dignity. *laugh* Thank you for letting me know I need to respect myself.

P.S: I guess I am not bad conditions ;)

Lovee, Jessiiii or SIEW (your panda)

What I want.

2011-09-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

What I want, Where to go.

Up at 3 in the morning. there are just so many thoughts in me. loving myself, gaining respect from others. I have this friend living in her world. Or maybe I am living in my world, that leads me to think.. It might be better to have an imaginary friend. What I really want? Is a true friend who understands me, accompany me when something gets in my way. Well. I have this guy friend. that is disappeared for some reason. Hmm.. yet to figure things out. well well. About another guy friend has been really friendly with me. A friend that companied me :)

Future future future. where I could go. I desperately wants to settle down in one place. that I could call "home" all these years. travelling from one place to another. Im tired of that. but now i understand my decisions should interfere with what I want, really really want and not.. what other wishes me to do.

P.S: I will become stronger. with the ability of decision making. and nothing will stop me to grow. :) Cheers

Its time to update my blog more often!

2011-07-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

Ima hardworking pain the ass!

LOL. What the hell with the caption? :) It is already the 3rd week! how fast is that? hmmm.. Time goes really fast. hehe how am I lately? Ima constantly having stomachache for some reason. hmmm guess its time to go to see doctor :(( + stupid school internet doesn't allow me to download anymore!! How can I... survive? :(( What else? hmmm I think I have successfully succeeded on showing some girls power! haha 在美国的时候一直以我要漂漂亮亮的回瑞士让他觉得是他的遗憾 I don't know if I have succeeded but I have my confidents now. hehe.

不直得

2011-07-24T02:25:00.000-07:00

反正又不是没人要！
standing too much on his side wont give him benefit!

:)

2011-07-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

SO.. here i am back in school
Life. isn't that great. boring. people ain't that friendly.
back being under pressure.
talked to someone. and he says "why do you care about what people think about u?, why cant you just be yourself like you are in the states. doesnt care about what people says but just be me. Happy always."

I was like. I totally forget about it.
which makes me hates to be back!
LOL. I will be fine :) Cheers.

2011-06-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

JUNE 7th 2011

accomplish what I have always wanted to try

The ugly truth..

2011-06-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well.. The ugly truth revealed.. I pressure people too much to let them make decision. The problem.. and now.. I ain't getting any attention. Angry: no matters. Happy: alil. Unhappy: no matters. Help out: no matters. What actually does matter?? Strange....

想家了。

2011-06-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

想家
想朋友
想在国外没有的自由
我何时才能回去属于我的家啊。

男人

2011-06-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

no matter how good he is

they will still change their mind in just a snap. -Yu khim-

I would rather be a ugly girl.

that finds true love

than a pretty girl

that is picked on her looks. - Jessica-

Thinking smart!

2011-05-27T07:20:00.001-07:00

慢慢的觉得我要为自己而活
我要比他活得更好♪（ｖ＾＿＾）ｖ

Soon ending.

2011-05-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

Well well well.
Jessica just came back from San Francisco - the city she loves! :) Spending some precious time over there with her parents :) and sisters. just that the brothers are missing. :( its been so long since our family reunion. LOL. Seeing her sister's graduation makes her feel that hers is coming soon.

Staying in SF for a week feel like one day :( for some reason. Tried to extend my stay but apparently it wont allow me :(...hmmm.. There are just so many thoughts during her flight back to Indianapolis.. and She misses a person deeply :( ..

Btw. Daddy secretly bought me a Macbook :) <3

Anyway. thats about me lately.

Cheers *jess*

Updates on my life :)

2011-04-21T16:31:00.000-07:00

My penthouse :) while I am in Indianapolis

Our kitchen

Long stairways

Messy bed. >.<

A reason A chance

2011-04-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it is about the choices we made " -- Jessica tan. To be honest, I'm tired. Not because of my job but about people. I kept telling myself this is life. I'm glad that I met a lot good people but americans are too good to be friends :)

Human being

2011-04-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

I have just watched a movie about people skills. Collecting tears from 3 persons that lives you. Well. That girl actually found out who is real to her and who is not. I guess it's all related to everyone. There are just some people who are fake and they look fake. And some just look so real that you believe. & get hurt.

What are the reasons behind?? I mean by what led them to perform that way? Don't they realize what they are doing?? Hmmmm *curiousity* should read more article about that I guess..

Sometimes I really wonder how, what, why people can be changed like in just a snap. At this moment, they are nice to you. In one sec, things changed. That so Americano.. Or maybe that is just in everyone else in the world.. When can I meet real people? When I board the stairways of heaven\ hell?

There are some thoughts of giving up myself at some point. Tired of faking, being betrayed. I stopped . Wanted a better life. Got cheated :) everything was just so real. There goes a bye bye in one sec. Wanted to screw my life up at some point. Second thought. Not Worth it.

So here goes my story again :)

=

2011-02-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

I did not forget you! bloggie

2011-02-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

Been pretty busy these days..

Its quite a heart break over things.
Somehow I am forcing myself not to be sad.
Things tends to go the other way round. Here we go, different direction.
Its not what I've always imagine.
I am figuring out the directions I am heading to. relationship wise. work wise.
and I still can't think of anything.
Opportunity, recognition
I have none. Sometimes. I do think that why human wants to live life so hard. figuring out what is their next step. Some people did make a right decision on giving up themselves than being miserable.

Unsuccessful Love life. Left out Rainbow. Not figured future.

Coming to the states, has made me grew into a person with different opinion. There are so much to learn from people surrounding me. I used to be a person that couldn't talk well with people. I am catching up with that but making me miserable that. this industry ain't what I've thought. All hard works couldn't be seen. Even it did, nothing changes. Anyway I am just tired. I will be alright.

sign out 8pm US.

New year New change!

2011-01-20T16:07:00.000-08:00

Hi guys! :)

Its been a long time that I didnt update my blog! :) Happy belated new year! Here goes My holidays in Malaysia. It has ended wonderfully with my belated 21st birthday.. and my wonderful friends :) Thank you. I mean seriously Thanks a lot. Thanks for accompanying me for all these years. Thanks for giving me the surprise. Thanks for remembering me. Sometimes, I have thoughts like "have they forgotten me already?" because I hasn't been by their side all the time. I am really thankful that you guys are always right there for me. Some stuff might have changed this time when I have gone back but still I loves you guys! Time makes thing change I guess, we are no longer the high school kids with love matters,etc.. I just wanna say that WE have been through a lot together, to able to find someone that knows YOU in today's world is kinda hard. So! :) Lets awaits our future TOGETHER! :)) *Huggies*
+Sheng, Yan

Also! My family! I have been really bad tempered those days for some reason. I know I am wrong but. I can't control. :( I am really sorry! I spent quite a lot of time with them this time. especially my baby brother. I even find him for dinner before I left :) About my older brother, never talk much like always, but you need to know why I cried when you last hugged me and tell me stuff that touch me. I really hope that what you said is what you meant (Every time I try to cope with your foot steps, you disappears) Lastly I wanted to say that . I miss you guys! I really do. There is one day that I would really like to stay by their side. Not traveling around anymore. Now, when people says that "how cool, you have been so many places". It actually is not how I feel. I am just in search a place where I belong. Which my family and friends are all by my side :)

Oh Guess where I am now?! "The STATES! and starting my internship already! haha. and I am just worried that will I be fine?! :( Anyway yeap! I will love this job. I will just need to fix humans!

Love Jesssiiii

challenge the impossible

2010-12-05T13:28:00.001-08:00

this week is kinda free for me.. creating different thought.. after so many mistakes I have learnt that. I still shan't put a whole heart in.. :) stewpid things just make me more and more childish but more aware of what I am doing. 2 week's time imma going home. No matter how hard I try to stop the conversation without a she I still can't do it. That just doesn't wipe off from my brain.

Ignoring it just make me feel bad..
I'm lost.
So, just go home and forget everything :)

p.s: I'm an idiot

Leaving in 17 days

2010-11-30T13:40:00.001-08:00

I am happy. but why am I started to feel insecure?
plus..
the feeling that wanted to travel to one more place in Europe. just one more..Somehow.. Im kinda afraid to go to States. Here goes the feeling before I came to Swiss..

When I was a kid, I love crying to catch the attention of pretty stewardess.

When I was a teenager, I love flying admiring pilots.

I grow older, flying though flow US,Japan, Swiss, plus the world. Im tired.

Here I am again, soon to be adapting another new culture. How long should I be enduring? convincing myself for my brighter future. I have tried the traditional Asian culture, have tried rude Asian culture, have tried the slow and steady European culture, gonna try the American culture. I love to adapt people's culture but now.. I just wants to relax and enjoy my own culture.. :) Does that mean that living in my own world? NO! but I wish I could. LOL

P.S: Just think of the fun ahead :) you will be fine :)))

ホンマに

2010-11-27T07:36:00.000-08:00

久しぶりの日本語文　書いっってるんだ。

日本の皆　元気でしたか？

最近のあたし　元気ですよ!

大学の　宿題　いっぱいあるんだ。

忙しいくて　時間　余りないんだ

でももうすぐ　家に　戻れるから

頑張っています！

P.S : ジェシ、ジェシ　元気出すって!

Countdown!

2010-11-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

3 weeks. Head home :)

OMG OMG! Gan cheong gan cheong! :)))))

A level above.

2010-11-15T05:58:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I did it! :) Remember I was talking about theater? take a look in the backstage! :))

2 Terms of rehearsal. Every Monday night.

After all the hard work!

The results! Official night! :)
I've make a difference

A DEEP BREATHE

I am proud of myself :)

Idea of relaxation! MILANOO~O

So.. I've been traveling a lot this year I guess and I had fun!! hehe The truth is that. I have never been to Milan.. See-ing pictures of people headed there. Finally! Its my turn :)))

Ignore my look LOL.. hehe.. I enjoyed there even for just so short a period! :) Especially together with you! :)

P.S: I dont wanna head back to school!!!

Somehow

2010-11-11T17:31:00.000-08:00

After the first show of my act.
I.. must say that. I dont care how badly Ive did it. dont care what people thinks. but I know I've tried my best in doing something different this year. No matter how tired it is. It is worth while trying.

It is forgetting the past. noticed its our first month anniversary. I know there is nothing to celebrate about but. I'm glad I'm with ya! I think we have been together all the time which makes me ... Cant leave you for even a moment. :( Its like.. I feel weird whenever you are not with me. Anyway.. I'm glad that we got back! At least now I'm treating you with a whole heart. things a little different now. I know. I wish how you treated me is like before. but I also understand what you have told me. :) so not much to worry about! but I think you appreciate your friends more than me. :((( which makes me feels that you shan't be with me.

P.s: Emma inner person, so sometimes i feel better when i keep it to myself.. so please understand :)

Away note

2010-11-10T04:03:00.000-08:00

Jessica Tan will be away due to the busy-ness

and will be heading to Milan for the weekend

Oh - Oh

2010-10-30T00:41:00.000-07:00

Halloweeen night :)
I are enjoyed it a lot.
but just what am i doing right and wrong?

OR

There is no wrong or right?

I can't understand why at all if they are not believing each other, lieing to each other why should they still together then ?

P.S: I love the alcohol effect and I loves you too!

It takes me alcohol effect to be awake!

2010-10-29T02:24:00.000-07:00

Im.. Out of face yesterday!
Waking up thinking that. how childish could I be!
I think.. I should let go a little.
"If it is mine, then it is"
: D SHIT @.@

Why on my birthday?

2010-10-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

That is just a title.
Things are a little different now.
Remember ? I had to go to the states for my internship.
Ima applying for visa at the moment. :)
There are a few things that Im quite worried of.. but..

"WHATEVER!"

Lately I are have been busy with my theater. which is going to act out soon! " but I DONT WANNA ACT!"

There is nothing much with school i guess. next week onwards I are will be f*cking busy e? hehe. MID TERM, QUIZZES, THEATER! olala!

but still.. there is always time for my baby :)

P.S : Shiawaseeee <3<3

Snowboarding for the weekend.

2010-10-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

:)
After so long since.. hahaha.. I ski. LOL..
Headed to Zermatt for the weekend.
and back in School :( Just..
Hot chix that went with together

Had a very nice stay in a 3 star hotel but services are like 4 star.
Had a nice view over the Matterhorn and the town.
Felt very relaxed. Especially in the morning..
Over hearing the river sound in the peaceful town
Had a hot bath thinking "Argh..So this is the enjoyment of life e?"
But. wonders how can my weekend end so quickly? :(

Cheersss

P.S: I dont understand!

Part 2 of the love story

2010-10-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

Yes. after so long of time. we got back together.
I have proven changed compare to the past.

and I am happy because I have no worries anymore :)
Somehow there is a bond between us.
After so many things. After not talking for so long a period.
Staying as neighbours for terms.
Is that faith?
still.. I hope things goes well. unlike before.

Anyway. :)
I met his parents and went to Zermatt together

Somehow the way, attitude of his parents are similar to my parents
eventually i talked to them naturally :)
which makes me miss my daddy mummy a lot.
worrying that they might have troubles back there.
worrying that "are they okay?"
Im sorry I am not there aite?
will be back soon in a while.
Just wants to say. I heart u guys :) Miss u guys. Stay healthy as always.
Will send my prayers back there aite?

To people who I've hurt badly.
Wishes u guys find your true love.
because Ive found mine :)

P.S: I'll prove my words to you. I just heart you.

Happy birthday darling

2010-10-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

I.. m crazy
LOL..
100% wanna celebrate my 21st in Malaysia
but too bad I am here. Its been so long since i had it in malaysia!
I really missed it...
with all the buddies around.. its absolutely.. happy

Thanks for all the wishes :)
today Im drunk and hapy? :))
hehehe anyways...
It has been so long since..
Ive done triple D's

Somehow I missed you..
not expecting anything but you.
Gonna work hard in my studies.

Anyway still Happy 21st Jessi :)
finally a grown up.
people actually says that after the age of 21 i get older faster.
Will see how LOL
Dont fucking look down on me plz. :) cheers

Dear bloggy.

2010-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

:)
I'm jessica.
I wanted to stop blogging till my big day.
but. I couldn't because I'm too excited.
This is once that I wants something badly
and put some effort on it.
I SUCCEEDED.
I got the internship to J.W Marriott, Indianapolis, United States.
Chances are small, I can't believe it!
putting a heart that "it can be a trial interview"
I should have some confidence in myself and I mean it

B-coming 21st
This might be the best present ever.
I felt really thankful to everyone. especially GOD and My parents.

ended with a (^.^)

Reason to start over new.

2010-10-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

Listening to an old song that i used to listened before makes me felt GOOD!

A new dedication :) " The Reason" by Hoobastank

Haven't been update my dear daily life. hehe I've went 1 week away for holidays. So desperate to have it because of school stuff. but it came to an end today :( Another tiring term is about to start.

Anyway talking about my trip to PARIS and returning to LONDON was rather tiring >.< haha went there with buddies above. everything was just great. I guess haha.. Didn't really take photos during my trip but it stays in my memory. : D

Back in school. Staying in the room is like.. back in pressure. hmmm.. :) Anyway. Fighto! >.<

A dedication for you!

2010-09-21T01:18:00.000-07:00

Can I confess ma love to you?

2010-09-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

just a wall aside.

I promise. I wont be.....

:)

LOL

Im a kid who is still keeping my memories

2010-09-12T02:43:00.000-07:00

DEDICATED TO MY DEAR BELOVED FRIENDS : RAiNBoW

Our grown up story.

We are growing 21

6 years is like OMG to us.

but our perceptions , thoughts towards things changed

colleges, works, time.

we have not much time to spend with each other compare to the past.

dragging our friendship away.

The thing is that I've been overseas since then.

making me think that my true friends back there , I <3

we've been through so much!

parties, happiness, conflicts , crazy stuff and everything that made us strong :)

All these years ..

Thank you for being my energy medicine

I'm sorry that I am not always there.

Stay COOL! as you are :)

P.S: Im sorry i cant make it this time : ( will be back in dec

傻瓜

2010-09-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

最近
多了个花名
叫 “傻妞”
傻傻的我~
玩着玩着
全部人都觉得我笨~
爱玩傻傻的
不就代表我笨吧~
开玩笑是噢k的
可是不喜欢被比我还要笨的人说我笨。
我的忍耐性有限的。
我可以不在意过去的事
但不可以踩我
累了。
不想再这样了

Happiee

2010-09-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

Although there are stuff that made me unhappy or sad :) Thanks to them. I m good.

I hate swimming under the sun! LOL
I had a great week :)
Although there are heaps of assignment.

Thinking of my mistakes i felt bad, thinking of having fun im happy :) hehe still there are stuff that awaits for me to settle. I wanted to go back badly. but that seems to be avoiding the problems which shows how immature i am. Mr Oliver弟 says, take it as 消灾.. but i believe I will and I must earn back those money that I've wasted. I just felt bad for my parents having such a useless kid.. 加油！

P.S:谢谢啦~>.<

MIA

2010-09-01T00:39:00.000-07:00

没有了我的宝贝，晚上还真难睡啊~

可是让我想了好多东西

也想了某个人说的话

才发现原来看了有些东西就算不是那样

也会让人这么样想

以前的我总觉得自己是对的

为什么要这样想呢？

原来是，我错了

有许多机会

是自己错过了

如果有机会我会好好的珍稀的

P.s：我找到我的枕头了:)

听说

2010-08-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

三十日

我想尽快地
从鸟笼里飞出来

想飞

Everything happens for its reason.

its up to you to accept it or not.

God has everything planned.

(0.0)

2010-08-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard i try
results are the same.
it wouldn't do me right.

i should do a change. :)

人生
没有经不起的考验
只有放弃的心态

Im sorry.
ごめんね　

:))))) ((((((:

2010-08-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

life is never like what u expected
people are different
but as long as I have my family my buddies supporting it,
it will just fine.

Im just a simple person here
smiling for happiness
crying for sadness?
angry for reasons
and all other emotions

what Ive got to say is that
I dont care what people thought or says bout me
I just care bout who I am, my buddies and my family

I aint a person who is tired of life
but a person who looks forward to life
no one can change me
and only I can change myself
is what I believe in.

THANK YOU

AH SUAT & KIM TUAN : raising me, investing my future

JAMES JESSIE RACHEAL YAO: to be my siblings

QUINNIE KHONG: My energy long lasting forever irreplaceable bestie

RAINbOW(CHENG EETENG, EE LYNN, YU SHENG, LILIAN, YAN, VIOLET): the rainbow of my life

ALL other people who is there for me :)

*cheers*

not ending yet!!!

I MISS YOU GUYS!!

kawaiiii~~

2010-08-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

☻ ♥ ☻
/█\ /█\ Love My Friends.♥
.l l. .l l.

╔══╗♫
║██║
║(o) ♥♫ Music is My Life.♫
╚══╝

cute e? :))

met a craziest guy ever.

just f*** off!
I dont like you!!

thats all ISHHH!

DIA -Depressed in action

2010-08-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

Was just small matters in action

but affected my mood swing a lot

results aren't that satisfy

application aren't that successful

I just felt so bad..

I am able to enjoy in the world's best view.

but what about people who invested me here?

A friend. says -"try your Best to achieve what YOU have planned, if u think you will fail, just think of the efforts others put to get YOU here"

tears dropped.

I'm afraid I can't make it. can't cope with it.

sometimes even wonder whats the point of staying here?

I felt bad for people back there because I cant even help a little.

我需要为自己加油为资助我的人加油。

只需要一点点的支持与勇气

P.S: I will be fine. Just fine.

心里带着想走的心情

2010-08-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

即使是把功课埋没自己
都会感到郁闷

好累哟

加油！

“傻b
真是看了都觉得不爽

为什么一个男人要爱一个人
却处处对爱的人撒谎
又在朋友面前说她怎么了怎么了
自己又像跟屁虫的跟上了。

不能坦白的情人
不会长久的”

out of control.

2010-08-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

My brain

ARGHHhhh..

thoughts popping out..

cause me insomnia!

Have been having exam this week.

went to Geneva for the fireworks.

ended up failing ALL my exams!!

but.. its worth it. :)

Its the longest & nicest fireworks I ever seen :)))))

A Friend of mine.. belanja me some traditional food to manger that makes me HOMESICK. LOL.. what the hell...hey YOU!.. Today. I sensed you!. LOL.. Looking back in the blogs i felt that the person the blogger wrote, is so childish, bad personality small girl. It actually led people to hate the small young girl even me. How a childish a person can be at her age. *I wonder* when she will change. forget about it. BTW! I have been neglected my brain by memorizing things. I think i should give it a chance to not memorizing. I'm experimenting it towards my global tourism exam LOL. Can I make it? and... I DID IT!!!! *cheers* I didn't know I have this kinda ability till now..*claps claps*

MooNCAkeee.. slurpslurppp

I forget what this call >.<

P.S:small girl = I

a empty heart

2010-08-04T02:16:00.000-07:00

空心

想说最近做什么事都。，

上课的日子

太闲了吧

搞得我每天都不知道要干什

只好每天找事干咯

我几时才能毕业啊~

summer break summer break?

2010-07-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

I got really excited like very very excited.

because it will either become shit whole that i will end up in SWISS!

or...

STATES,LONDON or AMSTERDAM!

can someone just spare me an air ticket?

like PLEASE PLEASE! (= *with my adorable smile* =)

as my 21st Birthday present?

*cheers*

P.S:Actually.. I still prefer to have it in ....because I miss people back there. my precious family, lovely friends. nienie. just aLL..but.. C'est pas possible :(

bubbles on tea.

2010-07-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

FOCUS on BUBBLE TEA! (not my face) hehe I've found it ")

it taste really good after all!! hehe claps claps.

WELCOME to my future restaurant

that's just an Italian Restaurant nearby my place. It passed by really quickly over here although it's boring. Don't really have the mood to update but I are making an effort to not forget my bloggy because it really helped me remember what I did all these while. The very first week, people are giving this kinda eye sight.... which makes me feels really uncomfortable, but i felt that I don't really give a damn on them just because they are busy bodies who lives under a weird life?.. *wtf*.. There is one person that i felt sorry too and can't bring my head up on him actually. Anyway. P.A.S.T.. no point. hmmm

hehe back to what i did. like few weeks. have been going to Bouveret, Lausanne, Geneva, Exploring Brig for some weekends.. went to this cute little shop near my house. which is really ideal to my dream. haha.. creating another place that people calls home. LOL.. not related pula.. hehe.. studying really hard. doing assignments really hard!! hehe.. I told ya I'm gonna work hard! ~~ cycled to buy mcdonald today. haha.. its not that far after all.. *community service for delivering Mcdonald would be a good idea!*

P.S: I misses your smell,misses your temperature and everything that reminds me of you.

actings

2010-07-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

Jessica Tan will be acting in a play.which has one of the most dialogues *WTF*

The reason? because she wants to try something different this year to boost herself to a different level. She almost drop of of it last minute but she didn't instead she wants to give it a try.

I hate actings but I would like to know what are those people thinking when they are acting. Although scripts are given. I wants to be able to act and occur my stage frighten.

P.S: I've trying to change myself alot. as in thinking. stop playing but the future fortune says that this is who I am! LOL

A new page of my life book.

2010-07-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

New look (mushroom) , New environment, New decoration page

which I welcomes.

Life is being uneasy all the time but when it gets easy i make it tough because this is ME

Its me back to my university life which I doesn't want to go back! For some reasons I felt lonely. Things doesn't happen as they are and I just wants to finish it. ends it. as soon as I could. Made myself decide to score for a 3.5 GPA till the end. I am not gonna just say but to do. Don't wants my parents to waste anymore on me. Wants them to live better that's why I am back with changes. I can't live that way for my life. :) because I'm a grown up. not a kid anymore.

I might look young but I am NOT!

It looks like a budget hotel aight? but its my new room :) A place I would stay for 6 months and a place that I stays alone. Its like I could do anything I wants. No ones gonna disturb or what so ever. I just likes to be alone and relax.

I missed everyone back in Geneve. The chefs actually made my internship there interesting. hereby THANKS HEAPS and i LOVE you guys hehehhehehe one of their workss

beautiful aight?

P.S: I don't wants to study no more. :( I'm a burden

God is my co- pilot.

2010-07-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

Glad that I've finished my internship :) its like finally! I don't need to meet people that I don't wants to meet! It was really tiring. hoping for some extra time before my trip to BARCELONA, SPAIN. I are actually went straight to BARCELONA with Ichiro-kun. Its my very first trip towards the journey in Europe.

This beautiful thingy.

--> Sagrada Familie.

Amazing sculpture! Impressive

We also visited the Barcelona Football Club which is world famous.

There are no games at the moment because they are all in South Africa for World cup~. In addition. SPAIN just beat GERMANY in Semi- finals. which is. COOL!. How could they even beat the Germans when they are so strong!.

We actually also tried the TAPAS. which looks like this~

A Combination of different bites.*delicious*

Getting a haircut and manicure are the reasons I went to BARcelona

Before and After

Cute aite? *LOL*

I also found THIS in BARCELONA

The bottle is really pretty .. but It doesn't taste as good as Alex's shisha *clapclapclap*

Lastly, Where did my title came from?..
-->

Its just interesting. :)

P.S:she had a nice nice trip to barcelona with ichiro. but she is afraid to go back to school.

害怕

2010-06-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

我将会融入一个新的环境了

谣言是否已经淡化呢？

虽然终于不用工作了

但又是个噩梦的开始

人会因为事故而改变的

但外头不是那样想的。

我是否能熬过来呢？

不能在逃避了。

P.S: 加油！

too stupid.

2010-06-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

I screwed up my internship that will be finish in 3 days.

Almost call police to threw my managers life off.

I might be wrong. (with my working attitude)

but he is SO wrong.

sexual harassment.
overtime
unreasonable scoldings
pushing.

sil vous plait.

SAVE ME from this HELL

Someone PLEASE!

P.S: watch me people! I will be the almighty that controls U.. idiot.

"empty handed"

2010-06-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

Soon Soon Soon

I'm finishing.

Internship!

When days are getting nearer.. The more I want it to end sooner.. also.. the mood of screwing it up gets stronger

I have been spending like HELL this month. attracted by branded goods.

I know I've made mistakes & Ima sorry~

IMA SHOPOHOLIC

Ending: I'm BROKE.

Jesssssssssssssiiiiiii .. bonsoir hee

I :)

2010-06-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

LOL

My smile

I wants time to fly faster so that I can leave this place! :) but.. I miss this place already. (people)

Everyone finished except me!.

Everyday wishing that It could just ends today.

I had a crazy weekend

Went to a place that took 12 hours train ride. waking up at 5 AM. Sil vous plait!

All outlets are there. I mean BRANDEDS. which is O-LALA

SYOK nya~

Didn't really get to sight seeing but. just buying branded goods.

Almost need to stay over at a unfamiliar place due to the train schedules that are not RIGHT.

Didn't even get to take pictures.

But.. here goes my train thoughts.

~~" I've been to a place that looks like heaven"~~

~~" If only I could found a person I love him, and he loves me"~~

~~" Should I, or Shouldn't I"~~

~~" I go, I try"~~

~~"This world is big!, 1 hour its raining. 1 hour it stopped"~~

Please love me for who I am..

My room mate is leaving tomorrow already. I don't know how am I feeling but. wishes that we could still be like now. LOL.. This is what friends are for. I'm feeling lonely already. he he he

Safe Flight! Bon Voyage!

P.S:J'adore vous. I love life still.

累了。

2010-06-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

有点醉醉的。

哭了。

为什么。

会那么的累?

被人玩惨了。

真的好累好累哦。

不想继续读了。

心。

我快放弃我自己了。

Hailat.com.

2010-06-06T01:02:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and family,

Thinking of spending excellent time in this year, which is the year I turn 21 became soup. I are will need to head back to school and suffer in exams. I are is berry berry happy about it because I are don't need to work like hell no more. Final decisions are made just yesterday. The story behind are. * tired of this job, no reasons for me to continue, low wages* Please don't bucking think that we are stewpid.. who de hell will work for them like hell with so little wages. Fikir sikit lar .. Even de indian guy got higher pay.. fucker... LOL.. kiss ma bucking ass lor..

Imma berry hungry now. What a day yesterday.. Im happy, I drink, and I mati. * thumbs up*

My past weekends

2010-06-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

:) Didnt really get the time to update :) Happy Birthday bobo

Here is an update on what I did :) Alot of other first time in Geneve ..

First, I went cycling around the city. It feels really good although still its kinda dangerous LO.. hehe I want to buy my own bike !!! and I will. hehe

THEN!

I went for boating in the middle of the lake of Geneva with some group of friends. The wind, the water.. makes me feel peace. Somehow I wants to jump in. I would have do that if I am not having...............

There is no better picture ,, but this :( hmmm

There is weekend which we went to a place of a superstars dead..

A small village by the lake. Tolochenaz village. There are a lot of greek style designs :) which is special. and a very beautiful place to stay in.

LOOK LOOK LOOK! PRETTY isn't it ::)

I was kinda depressed for last few weeks for no reason. no morale support. but I knew there are people who stands for me and with me with their love. I received a lot of parcels from my family in Malaysia or in the States. which makes me felt Im alive again.. but the heart of missing them got worst.. I should just try my best to do everything I could not to miss them.., which leads it to homesick. There are too many places I wants them to see with their own eyes. World is beautiful, after working so hard.

A heart from the crazy woman I love , My mom.

I am alone in a foreign country, with no one in family. Noticing she cant trust no one beside her somehow makes her feels cold. but this is the life she chose to be. for the better future. She hopes Everything will go better. because she knows that if she don't try to trust, there will be no one trusting her. Now, she is waiting someone in her heart to approach her to gave her some heat. *cheers* Life is beautiful. also knowing the direction she is heading to.

Recently she visited her own previous blog.

www.wretch.cc/blog/siew2xianaka

and found THIS

LOL

Reminds her a lot about the past. those memories she had.. noticing that she actually enjoys her life a lot :).. C'est la vie.

Jessi's not alone and she loves life.

没事了

2010-05-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

对不起　&　谢谢你　龚佳琪

This week wasn't that good for me. I don't know why but its just depression．I love life, but sometimes its just tiring. I don't know what I wants. There is just feeling that I wants to give up on everything. This is the very first time that I actually felt so. Things got better. because u guys are there :). Fear of losing you guys in my heart. Noticing that family is always there for me.

是应该开开心心的活下去的。

Its just not so..

2010-05-23T01:55:00.000-07:00

Not knowing anything and being curious finally discover why a person re-acts that way. Always saying stuff that is NOT right and repeating the same situation that happened before.

I actually feels that I want to help this person. I felt sorry for him. The only thing that I was afraid of is me. There are times that I just wants to be ALONE having my own thoughts, knowing what am I thinking and for who I am. I no longer know what to do.

At this moment. I just wants to go back home..

Long long days

2010-05-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

It has been 2 weeks since i update a single thingy. Of course things are going still the same. but life fooling around has been going on!. I actually quite look forward towards all weekends I've had or I'm going to have. There are a lot of drinking activities going on that I can't even feel that 2 weeks gone.. just like this.

My internship has got more interesting that I know at least 1 chef in each Asian restaurant in Geneva? My name is also quite well known by chef's in our company restaurants. LOL.. but still thanks to the 3 chefs that are fantastically nice. Of course rumours goes around too but who cares~

Things are going well between my sisters :) hehe "J2E" One of them's came to Suisse and how romantic is it. :D. love the scene. Its like... someone before..

anyway this weekend i spend my time drinking drinking and steamboat-ing..of course not forgetting crazy stuff!

Alcohol promoters~

There is just something in my mind for this few weeks. still.. not allowed to say it yet. just because its not time yet. hmmm Hope everyone are going on with a good life. Don't judge a person by its skin before judging them with ur heart. Things will be better that way. In a way.. i think I am gonna miss my life, what I did in Geneva. I wish everyday is weekend. working tomorrow again. hmm.. cheers*

Smile Jessiii..

In this real world.

2010-05-04T01:50:00.000-07:00

All truth are hidden.

All lies are spread.

All fakes makes people puke.

All acts of dishonest.

There is no one to trust but yourself.

Whatever people says about thee. Its just a shadow.

I know myself well.

for who I am.

back to HELL

2010-05-01T02:56:00.000-07:00

I AM MISS TAN!

I Love blue

I'm back in HELL :) working days are getting tough. This world is dark and I'm noticing it. Different people tends to change in different ways due to their environment. Work, friends, AGE. I was a girl who never make my bed since I'm born even now, never earn money for home, yet spending family's money all the time. Things change when I gets old. I am actually earning my hard work money for my own living now. :) Telling my daddy I wont ask for money for this 6 months. There is a bigger will that. I actually wants to pay for my brother's school fees. letting my parents spend my money instead of theirs. and that's what I wants desperately. Can that be my dream? I'm afraid of getting old. because I don't want my parents to get old. I am still a kid. When people gets old family comes FIRST. instead of those childish thoughts when I am young.

I WILL BE FUCKING SUCCESSFUL

THAT'S ME!

First stop!. Work hard. :) Try my best. Start from the beginning :) As you see.. I've been sick for a week last week. and I am back to normal.! HEALTHY again. Life is perfectly good. back to the same old routine everyday. WORKING. Spring h as arrived. bushes turns green again. passing by green path that leads me to the place I am committing. I felt PEACE.

This is a gift from a guest. which proves my service is recognized :) Its inexpensive but hands up!.. I wish they could see this. haha.. I didn't get to thank them.

" Life is good, when I EAT & DO whatever I want I like"
Jessica Tan

No one can diminish me except myself... No matter who says, says what.. I can't falls off to that.

Cheers people.(*

病疯了

2010-04-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

人与人是互相利用对方而存在的吗？

好像有点那样的感觉

就算是再要好的朋友

都一样的在互相利用

为什么了呢?

我不想当这样子的朋友

也不想被。。。。

：）

P.S: 就算天上的星星都掉光了，我心里有颗星　是亮的因为我还是想你的。gelisial*

病気日記

2010-04-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

初めって何だけど。。

I had this needle poking in my vain. *Ouch* for the first time : ) In Switzerland..

寂しいい～　隣りにわ誰もいない。

im lucky to have　EVELYN SAW & JENNY GONG to be in here with me :)

Thanks heaps. Seriously :)

ended up with tubes around me >.<. LOL

My fucking managers fucking thought I am fooling around. Says I drink too much the day before LOL.. I wonder if they even have a heart in them. Why does this kinda person actually exist? I kept ask myself.

Saw that peace on my hand? meaning that I am FINE! :) So don't worry :) especially my beloved daddy and mummy :) hahaha who says your daughter so easily to be defeated ? Im almighty strong LOL.

好きになる人と出合った事だけで十分素敵と思う　＊。＊

だから今　元気元気元気　だよ！

It wasnt my choice but heaven's will to fall in love with YOU!

~~It's Okay~~

I Love cooking. but heart you : )

2010-04-18T12:04:00.000-07:00

Having the same weekend routine makes me bored! LOL Regarding about loads of friends came to Geneve for internship :) hehe meeting up more and more often and that feels good. Friday was a disaster in my restaurant. because the other 2 waitresses was off and I will need to push up more. Thinking of not only writing my daily life over here but there isn't much time for me to put my thoughts in words because i tends to forget words, things, anger right after my good night sleep. I hasn't have a very good night sleep since a crazy girl came to my apartment and of course its not my Jenny :) hehee I <3 Her. and My Eve.

Hehe anyway.. I taught her how to do laundry nearby my house. made pancake/crepe for Jenny and Eve. LOL.. I might be a good chef after all. My mom would be shock if she saw me cooking something like this. Just wanna tell my mom that "I actually knew how to cook! Thanks to my maids at home by looking them cooking" that's a secret that my mom don't even know :)

Its looks like roti canai but its PANCAKE!

For dinner, I are cooked something like THIS

Don't judge by its look! it actually contain chicken, red dates, red lyceum, potato, tomato, dried scallop, carrot, lotus thingy and etc. wtf* poor people eat till like @!$#&@#&!@ LOL.. hehe :) own recipe rojak.

and my dinner actually turned up like THIS

A good meal after another week of hell.*clap clap*

I'm a bit of lucky and a bit of unlucky this week. I almost got picked pocket one day in the tram *unlucky* and I didn't get picked *LUCKY* hehehe hmmm.. one more thing. LOOK @ THE PIC BELOW.

Someone just hit my butty and it turns to be like this!! and it happens when I am working!!! hehehe LOL. just kidding. I actually slipped and falls off in a hundred of stairs *ouch* I remembered once. a person helped me with my bruise by boiling egg in the middle of the night and its HAPPY. hehe..

I am sucking it up with pain in HELL. because you told me to do so. but part of the reason is that why did I chose hospitality? and having my internship in the restaurant of HELL. Seeing people without higher education to be in this industry scoring a very high position makes me feels that I should be like them. Its not a dream but doing something I LIKE~ That's what I want in life. Just because I doesn't have a dream doesn't that I am right behind other people. Anyway My hands.. became rough.... unlike before. smooth and sexy.. haha.. I Want back my handssss!!!!!!!!

P.S: I wish I could confessed. I couldn't because if I do, you will fly. Mary had a little lamb.. XD I still thought of you time to time. there is always small locks in my heart. my mind. my feeling. to locks off all thoughts of you.

Night train

2010-04-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

Jessica Tan is sitting the night train heading to Montreux where needs around 1.30 hour of train ride which makes her blog again.

I just have the habit where thoughts slots into my mind during my train ride and I don't even know W-H-Y!.. Life got a little bit easier last week as one of my manager had his 1 week holiday. and it got back to hell yesterday .. :) For the new people! "WELCOME TO HELL" hehe.. *evil smile*

I've been acting weirdly. Is it just me or?...and it actually itch my nerves. Sometimes I just can't control myself. hmmm Can anyone just change me in someway?.. My tongue is rolling all together LOL.. and I am getting smaller and smaller. I started to ask myself sometimes. Can I not GROW!?? hmm people says after 21.. you will get older faster. hehehe I wonder how I will be when I am 27. hmm I might be a old lady already ba!

I have a HTC Diamond phone for few months and I started to discover more and more new stuff..!! This is one of it !! :)

P.S: I still think of you alot :( and I Miss you !! eeeee...

Another update. Took alot of nice pics.. during the morning. :)

Montreux's morning seriously makes people felt peace :D

Complications of boy girl thingy.

2010-04-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

Is there no truth between guys and girls?..

I still consider myself as a girl * Im UNDER 21*

LOL..

Things are making me dead curious..

What are they thinking?
What do they wants?
Why do they lie? *not saying that girls dont LIE but hell yeah!*
Whats love to them?
Why would they?

Should I be a psychologist after all.. Discovering human thoughts.. hehe.. just curious.. Can anyone just explain it to me??.. hmmm ..

P.S: Still I had my life book filled with SMILES ! & .. I have this double F in me..

"Forgive & Forget"
after a good night sleep :)

Live with no hates people.

贱

2010-04-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

tired of those cock story LOL..

*note* previous post..

guys guys guys! hmmm... why would they lie? because Ive met 2 in one shot LOL.. I will just leave one out. and here goes the other one. maybe they wanna revenge on me? He actually did once REVENGE, but eventually it didnt work.. because of my heart.. is strong enough for some reason. hehehe.. here goes the story..

" I will break up with my gf if you together with me"

*WTF*

"why don't you break up with your gf now bro" "..........."

*Double WTF*

Its just childish that made me fed up!! be loyal to your gf LAR! .. hmmmm

Strike!!

2010-04-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

hmmm I had another good week ..exploring places that I've never been there.All restaurants are closed for almost 3 days. but my restaurant is OUVERT! LOL.. which make it the reason where there is no customers where I became free LIKE THIS!!

After so many months here. I finally explored IKEA. hehe just makes me felt the same as if I am in MALAYSIA

Head to France. To a BBQ restaurant which is in the middle of no where.It made me feel nothing but calm. :)

When leaving.. its completely dark already.. This is when I saw stars sparkling bright. :) I am calmed. AFTER! Some typhoon just strike me hard.. LOL.. NOT hard enough dude! try harder. *wtf*

NOW you knows girls are kinda scary! but does he ever thinks about that girl's feeling?.. hmm.. I felt pity for her having and BF who doesn't wants to let other people know that they are actually in a relationship. and WHY? 2/10's I've met seems to be that way. apparently girls are naive. LOL.. whatever it takes. it will not be in my life's book! :) I seems to grow up a lot. not having those crazy thoughts. rather having some spontaneous thoughts. : D.. to make my life more interesting.

P.S: ITS YOU!.. Don't have any doubts. That's my heart to you LOL.. grappy fruity heart.

New member of house.

2010-04-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

Jenny Gong

LOL..

she was actually my ex roommate.. and now my house mate and company mate?.. : ) people says that we die also die together LOL.. anyway welcomes her to HELL *clap*claps*..

Lately I got tired very easily and I wonder why LOL.. April.. will be a good month I hope!..I love the weather now actually. because it got very comfortable. Just nice :) but all day long its raining. Wonder when only i get my salary LOL :) hehehe. sweat.. This week is fine :) lotsa friends came to Geneve for internship. it just feel good when your same batch is having internship like you :). hehe..

I bought LOTTO today LOL.. for the first time! not knowing how to win. how I am able to win and.. I just bought it.. for.. no reason.. hehe..and This is how it looks like >.< Lets just pray ! XD

and also

*claps claps claps*

haha just like it ... hmm wonder when only my custom made ring will be done LOL :) .. hehe.. Bought it just because Geneve is fucking boring LOL.. There is no life :) hehehhe.. So, I am just making my life feels better..

Recently there is a restaurant where I wants to be their VIP.. Just like my restaurant towards the VIP's.. :)

A KOREAN RESTAURANT

with cute guys

0.0

I would became fatter although I am already this FAT

Double OMG

Anyway forget about that fat pic.. Met up with some of my friends yesterday. I miss MOYA session LOL ..

~~Untrustworthy human being~~
There are a lot of thoughts lately in my mind. Trusting a human being is like hard hard and hard but if you don't even try to give out some trust, you won't gain one. still I established a side which I only trust myself.

P.S: How could I solve my " talk to you nervously problem" ? hmmm..

Spam post.

2010-03-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

Is life that hard to survive?

It seems to be.

Have been unwell for few days.

Everyone are going through all sorts of feelings. Everyone will go through all sorts of situation and the same that everyone does. Can I ask god why do we need to go through every thing? ..I've noticed something.. For an example, if I hurt you.. you will go and hurt other people?.. that's kinda thing that I meant..

I am tired.

Frankly speaking, I might look easy going and stuff. but if one day .*crossed fingers* anything happened to my family.. or what so ever. I would to kill that person into pieces.. because I am just THAT emotional.

Just wants to crap something.. just because im not feeling good...dammit

Sunday updates.

2010-03-21T04:40:00.000-07:00

This is ME with HIM

Everyday when I need it. I would press it, opens it. and I meets him. that's all I actually need to do in order to let me see him..

My daily routine is always the same. sleep, work, eat, break, work, sleep. always awaits for weekend :) .. there is nothing much about it. there is not much being emo lately. haha.. because I promised not to.. :) Life is just good. Someone told me :"whenever I need something, I will needa get it" there is also a saying in french.. "as if something is burning your ass hard" .. hmm... there are also times that I wants something and I couldn't get. hmm Isn't that Life? LOL. there also people telling me that after I went back for just 2 weeks. I became happier. :D Im just making myself happy in order to enjoy the job..LOL "Cest La vie".. hahhaa

Do you think this picture deceive my age?

hmmm... actually my looks deceived my age. LOL..

Went for 3 rounds yesterday with those chefs in my company.. Mr. Security didn't check everyone's ID except me. and I am not the youngest among all. Isn't that kinda sad?.. hmmm.. I really look that young?..

Anyway forget about it.. haha

Some.. Thai bar.. LOL AQUA~ xD :P its cool that I laugh alot. xD.. just farny.. its interesting though~

I think.. Im not gonna consume alcohol no more. :) just for this moment.. hmmm .. Anyway.. All these while i think I have been giving out bad impressions to people. As in there are loads of rumors going around.. hmmm.. I feels bad.. but who cares. LOL saya la saya.. people should just knows me before commenting on me LOL.. :P As long as Im good.. Life is good ehehehe... Misses people back there.. :) especially my cute lil precious parents :) aaaa~~ hate to says that I Heart them. :) *huggies* Yesterday was actually quite unlucky.. i wouldn't see it as unlucky but quite normal. hmmm.. I full force my hand while putting the receipt + that thing is damn sharp.. hmmm.. luckily its not like... fucking sharp.. if not my hand habis.. think also scary..

P.S: I love the weather now. :) wonder how can after rain smells so good? & I'm loving it.. My heart is still tinkling when I saw pics. When only it can stop?..

car wash day! =) wooo~

2010-03-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

Busy

Cleaning cleaning cleaning!

Potential Cleaner..with a WOW!

Q: Where do I got different "chicken feather sweep" *WTF* chinese 鸡毛扫 LOL..

A: Pinjam~ LOL

A car show without hot chickxxxx.. WHY? : ( Disappointing

Btw.. this is PROOton eeeemas.. LOL damn excited to see it @ first.. wanted to take pic with it.. so i ask a malay uncle hehee

ME: Bang~~~~ boleh masuk tangkap gambar dengan nya tak? (wanna post like Mr. M in 他星paper) ;)

BANG: tak boleh.. sebab designer tak bagi... Kalau I bagi lu masuk nanti semua orang nak masuk...saya susah lor *thinking*( er.. Got ppl wanna masuk also curi curi ketawa) LOL

ME: Yake?.. *thinking*( I just being patriotic, proud of MAS car in switzerland LOL).. Bang really tak boleh mer?

BANG: yalor sorry ya~

ME: Tak pe lar. Thank you..*thinking* (PO-che, Fe lari pun bagi orang masuk tangkap gambar PROOTOON tak boleh? ;-( LOL memang high class ni )

Wants to take pic with a stove car.. hehe open the boot and Accidentally "bloop" here goes my butty. DOWN!

Rainbow life. I had.

There are a lot of stuff in my mind recently about that 3 months. what should I do?.. hmm.. Can anyone just help me to make decision?.. My brain is breaking into 2..and I found a artist that makes me fall in love with him, his song, his voice, his MV is just touching.. One of his MV

Nell (넬) - It's Okay MV

"So don't lie to me, please dont lie to me ,thats what hurting me....."
"Its okay if you have to go. I'll let you go.. "

That's what I thought of.. Some things just deceived people easily. When you are young, elder brother is always whom you admire. but the inner truth actually is ugly. most of it is the same LOL..Anyway why am I talking about it. Just because I see it with my own eyes?.. LOL ..I will let you go but ignoring is the best way to go on my life..I think~.. hmm.. so that I won't become emo all the time.. : D I will just try my best!

anyway *cheers* P.S: I Wish I had a longer weekend.. : (

Tired thoughts

2010-03-11T23:23:00.000-08:00

I kill myself in the middle of grassland.
thoughts made me happy made me sad.

I tried my best not to think.
but it popped up suddenly.
I Seriously don't know what to do anymore
leave it or take it?
but my heart won't allow.

*cheers*
=) Im almighty strong! LOL.

Funniest weekend ever.

2010-03-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

This is how Luzern looks like :)... I regretted not going to Luzern to study >.<.. Its much better than Bouveret.but somehow bouveret smells more like home~ xD

hehe.. we traveled by car all around. I am wearing autumn clothes and its -5*C.. have been freezing for days. haha at the end I went back to Bouveret, My beloved school..WTH.. haha had illegal steamboat in the room. which we did not did for a long long time hahaha.. went back to my old room.. and it still smells the same. run around the whole school to get beds. at the end slept on the floor. leaving the bed unused. Had heaps of fun :)

MY EX ROOMATE

Went back to Geneva. I are cooked dinner for my roommate here. and it turns out to be DELICIOUS! xD I'm perfect for housewife position. and I'm actually searching for that position LOL... hehe After the dinner,We actually find our own way to go to MOVENPICK HOTEL a 5* L'hotel in Geneve for its CASINO.but ended up damn paiseh. We lost our direction to the hotel. Everyone are freezing cold.. almost ICING and decided to hop on a cab. but cab here aint no matter of waving. its the matter of calling. *wtf* got picked up by S class Mercedesss. went to the hotel. &&&! Only I brought my ID..hahahhaa.. so decide to go in a 5* JAP rest and kena rejected because no reservation. So, we can only go to the cafe on top for MOVENPICK ice-cream in that freaking cold weather.. double *WTH*. I actually went in a gamble a lil.. :*D

CAN you ever guess how much this phone cost????

Dammit. Vertu : Luxury phone brand. and THIS its Vertu Ferrari (limited edition).. it actually cost

EURO 12000 (o.0) Would you even buy a phone that you can actually buy a car in the EU? hmmm haha my friend actually bought it. *WTH* hehehe

Forget about it.. haha.. I found this pic in my friends cam.. We actually took it during the end of the term when its snowing hard. hehe.. sweat. It brought up alot of memories back there. haha I look like taking the cover of a Korean Drama. *tripple WTH*

I had fun this weekend. but tiring *Thumbs up*Here goes another tiring week.hmmm

story of my life :)

2010-03-07T00:57:00.000-08:00

These are some of my progress of my book of life. with people Ive met during this life time.

Still in progressing :)

Im actually heading to Luzern. German part of Switzerland. its sunday, and im off. :) Just feel like going out Geneve and have a look outside the city. It has been a very very tired week. with every night more than 100 reservation and 3 waitresses. My hands and legs are suffering man. Suffering from sore. Ive been trying very hard to fulfill my job as a waitress. Its not something I wish for but yeah.. im suxing it up.

During the time I went back. I think there are some misunderstanding between rainbow. im not sure. just feeling that our relationship is getting far-er than i thought. i got kinda disappointed though "When I need you, you are not there. When you need me, Im not there too"

Life is getting tough for me. :( I wonder can i finish it. hmmm .. Switzerland is actually very beautiful with sunshine - shinning through the whole Switzerland. Seeing wine yards, passing by from top of the mountain, looking down the lake. feels like im in heaven. but the weather is changing time to time. WEIRD!.. I need energy to actually continue my life.

*Cheers*

C'est La vie..I actually hate this word.. :(

恋

2010-03-01T23:24:00.000-08:00

单恋，暗恋，明恋，失恋
哪一个最辛苦呢？
带着一个平常心的心态就 okay 啦。
烦都烦死了。

熟一点是 okay 啦。
可是也不能说变就变嘛。对吧？
笨笨的我！
我就是这样啊。
要怎么看我，想我。随你便好了。

我怎么一直在为人改变啊？

顺其自然就 okay 咯.

Thumbs up! Lets go ! *peace*

Bonjour Suisse =)

2010-02-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

Dear bloggy,

I think I am not feeling emo. but a bit of lonely. hehe. I'm here without car, without family, without shopping malls. =p. My flight here was okay because I think I slept all the way to Amsterdam with a lot of turbulence up there, blinked my eyes and I've arrived. LOL, cool right? But the flight from Amsterdam was really scary during the landing part. I think its because of the slippery runway, the plane is shaking so hard

Heading back to Malaysia was like a dream, but I've had a good dream and time flies.

I wonder why the weather here now is really awesome. it smells like the rainy season in malaysia hehe. I should grow up as a better person. like her!

Poser + stewardess

Its broaden my mind towards flying an aircraft or flying on an aircraft. just because of the mamak talks. haha XD sounds interesting. OOPS

Today I are kena conned again.. by this guy named caovanhai. xD if I were before, I would play him back kao kao. but think think xia. grown up LOL haha no energy to continue playing. weird that I am damn excited for everything.. but would it bring me down to the lowest at the end? Patients is what I need. =) Bless me !

Looking forward for my future BOOM BOOM POW ~ =.=" L

P.S: I smile when I talks about you =D

2 weeks 6 blogs

2010-02-26T23:13:00.000-08:00

I am thinking very positively :)
people beside me seems to think a lot about their future that makes me feel very embarrassing because at this age, I don't have a dream, don't have a future.

Will think about it more later on.. hehe.. because I wants something bigger! I m just childish of being emo LAR . hehe Im sorry.. just sad that I am leaving again. to pursue my dream that has yet set. There is gonna be more challenges ahead that I will need to face by my own. Hmmmm..

I have to change my thinking, my thoughts from now. good luck !

...
Im sorry

Since im back, I know I have been giving an very playful impression to people.. I actually did something that I dont even use my brain to think and I dont know what I can actually says. To you, it might just be someone that u met for like few days. but to me, its different.

Am just another idiot.

oops!

2010-02-26T06:20:00.000-08:00

Im blogging like no body's business. >,<
basically just because I are emo. I know I have been Emo-ing like more and more often. maybe you can call me the emo princesS?.

Fiji boi left me. :( I am the one who abandoned him. Its seriously very unfair to him that his owner is not even there for him. leaving him with a dull life. I felt bad. I know they are gonna be his best owner after all. Im sorry. Almost cried .. just now.. Im an idiot. Hope he have a good night sleep and starts his life anew. I just can't control my emotions now.

I miss him already :*(

Im happy but Im sad.

2010-02-25T10:59:00.000-08:00

THIS IS I ARE

eee I Straighten my hair. hehe not so messy now

Im happy because I enjoyed it back here. but Im sad because Im leaving in 24hours. update on my previous blog. I actually went to Singapore to visit some of my friends :) I didnt get to met all of them because its too sudden. but I met my "bro" minh and hai.. Everything has changed. I mean people do grew. xD and I regretted leaving Singapore and go to Swiss because Singapore is just too cool for shopping and stuff. I missed those days :D I drove to through and flow without any license n ID @.160 really freaks me out.. hehe but what to do .. daddy is damn tired..ooi "em hai, Tôi nghiêm túc nghĩ rằng chàng là không đáng tin cậy bao gồm các bạn" thats why I don't wanna make mistakes anymore.

My damn attitude got back after I came back. hmmm maybe because I have not enough sleep and stuff like that. but that sux. IDIOT me. I just wanna says that. I have no more ability to know which is true and which is false. Its been deep in my heart that.. I can't trust no more. this world is getting dull ..I are such an IDIOT na~ .. hehehe.. its fine I guess. I hate myself but I can't because its ME..hmmm what to do~~

Remember? I met someone I admire alot? I really do admire alot. I am the kind of person that when things comes to serious. I can't express myself. but only through typing I could. xD. IDIOT na.. Once upon a time, when I was still a kid. *although now also* hehe met someone. that she feels that she wants something like that. LOL someone that has his own dream to pursue and putting full force on it. I just doesnt know how to explain. His eyes glow when he talk about his dream. There is a story behind actually.. here goes,,,,,, I am a person that used to admire my brother alot. because I think he is smart, cool, everything seems good on him. but when I got older, things changed. I am able to know whats wrong and right ..here goes disappointment. THE END. I just doesn't know how I felt , what I want? ..To me, its hard to even stand beside him. Its not that I lack of confident or what. its just because I felt so small beside him. haiyo.. just see how lar :) IDIOT.. hehe sometimes I feel so embarace to even talk just because he is older.

Noticing of relationships that Ive had makes me real tired. She wants a serious 1 dude. with lesser lies :*( Can I get one? Anyway : Am gonna make a book of whom I met :) To remember every single person that I've met. Spare me some tips of life :) Letting me know what to do eeeee.. Time will tell lar :) *Cheers*

P.S: I are is living in a world that full of fakes that makes me lost of direction..

emo mumbo xD

2010-02-23T17:27:00.000-08:00

What happened with me man?

thinking of im going off again.. feels like shit man.. going back to the hell.. but if i were to be how I am here. Im gonna pengsan like seriously pengsan. ha..

having my continuous post over here. I suddenly appear in singapore already. hehe :) just suddenly decide to go :P spontaneous right? With no license no ID.. I are drive. to JB hehe.. Speeding like hell eeekekeke I miss you loads "(.. thoughts came up again.. I wonder why every time I am on transport also will think so much.. xD ishhh.. EMooo mooo mooo..

P.S : I met someone I admire alot. :(